Movie Review: Couples Retreat

October 9, 2009 by Brendan
Filed under: Movie News, Movie Reviews

Couples Retreat Movie

In Couples Retreat, four couples with varying degrees of marital problems head off to a resort on a tropical island that has a course dedicated to healing troubled marriages. The problems in the marriages range from a lack of romance because of work and children to outright adultery. Amongst the couples are Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman) who seem to have a pretty decent marriage but suffer from the lack of romance problem; Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell) who spearhead the trip to the healing resort and who are having problems mostly because they cannot conceive a child; Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis) who have been together since high school and blatantly cheat on each other every chance they get; and Shane (Faizon Love), who has just split from his wife Jennifer (Tasha Smith) and is dating a 20-year old (Kali Hawk) who calls him “Daddy”. The island’s therapy sessions are supervised by a French dude in a Speedo named Marcel (Jean Reno) who receives assistance from a yoga instructor named Salvadore (Carlos Ponce), who also sports a Speedo and who specializes in grinding his private parts on all the married women during his yoga classes.

The main problem I had with Couples Retreat is that it really isn’t that funny. I probably laughed at the beginning of the movie two or three times, chuckled a few times in the middle and by the end, I just wanted it to be over. The movie just became a jumbled mess of unfunny attempts at humour. It jumped from couple to couple to the point that I’m not even sure I knew what was going on anymore and nor did I care.

I did find that to be a bit strange, considering the trailer that came out a few months ago actually made Couples Retreat look funny so I went back and rewatched the trailer and I figure every moment in the movie that was funny or even remotely humourous was in the trailer. And the part with Favreau’s character asking his waitress to speak to a manager so he can complain about how hot the waitresses are – not in the movie. Neither is the scene showing his wife getting plowed by her trainer. That probably would have went pretty far in explaining their relationship in the movie but we never get to see that. You are only left to assume they cheat or at least really detest each other.

I guess my overall assessment of Couples Retreat is that it is a near colossal failure. The strange thing is that the only couple I found to be somewhat entertaining was Shane and his 20-year old bimbo and they were probably the most mismatched couple of the entire group. The Vince Vaughn/Malin Akerman combo was pretty good too. I don’t even think they really needed to get any counseling, but what do I know. Favreau and Kristin Davis were absolutely horrible. Having to watch Favreau’s character getting ready to pound one out to a pamphlet from the resort was almost as painful as seeing him try to convince his masseuse to give him a happy ending. That has to rank up there with one of the worst scenes in a movie this year, if not in the history of film.

In the end, I have to say that you must proceed with caution if you plan on seeing Couples Retreat. It’s probably not nearly as funny as you hope it will be and how the trailers make you believe it is. I would like to say that it’s a good date movie but I’m not even sure I would suggest that. If you pick this movie to see with your significant other, just like the movie, you may find yourselves ending up in therapy and I’m sure it won’t be as fun as it seems to be in Couples Retreat. (4 out of 10)

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