Empire Movies on the Oscars

February 24, 2008 by Liam
Filed under: Awards, Movie News

Empire Movies on the Oscars We’ll be spending Oscar night online sharing our thoughts on Hollywood’s biggest night. Want to share your thoughts? Visit our Message Boards and get in on the action… In the meantime, here we go.

8:30pm – Live from the Kodak Theater… We open the show with a little montage of some of the big name characters from movie history. Personally, I thought the effects were a little lame, but the idea behind it wasn’t all that bad. And, of course, the introduction of our host for the evening, Jon Stewart. Let’s hope he can pull this off.

8:34pm – While Stewart goes on, I’ll throw in my 2 cents about the opening show hosted by Regis Philbin. Regis, I love you, but you sucked. You kissed a few too many asses, Clooney tried to make small talk about Notre Dame and you had no idea what he was talking about and you mispronounced Javier Bardem’s name. (It’s Javier, not Xavier! He’s one of the nominees. Give him the respect of knowing his name.) And that’s just what I could remember off the top of my head! Stick to the talk show buddy….

8:38pm – I’ll also mention that tonight is the first time I’m watching the show in HD on my (somewhat) newish 46″ Samsung LCD TV. Watching the show in HD really makes a difference. The wrinkles and skin problems and pimples and nose hair really stand out. Wow. What a difference.

8:42pm – The first award is for Costume Design?! Don’t they usually kick things off with Best Supporting Actor? (Or is it Actress?) Am I missing something? Anyways, the award goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age. I watched this movie a few weeks ago. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t as good as the first movie. I suppose the fact that it was a period movie about British royalty should’ve been a pretty good clue that this movie would win. Just like The Other Boleyn Girl will probably be collecting the same award this time next year.

8:46pm – George Clooney takes the stage introducing an “80 Years of Oscars” compilation video. What sucks about this video is that it looks terrible in HD.

8:51pm – Damn Jon Stewart. I wish I had an iPhone. Introduces Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway with a little plug for their summer release of Get Smart. Shameless. (Speaking of HD, Anne Hathaway has hairy arms.) They’re introducing the nominees for Best Animated Feature.

8:54pm – And the Oscar goes to… Ratatouille. (I still can’t get past the domestic violence from the beginning of the movie. Totally unnecessary and the reason my kids haven’t seen it yet.)

8:56pm – Best Makeup introduced by Katherine Heigl — who I still think is a beyotch. And I still laugh when I think of how the announcer mispronounced her name at the Emmys. Hah! The Oscar goes to La Vie En Rose. Nice short acceptance speeches. (Special thanks to the orchestra.)

8:59pm – Amy Adams takes the stage to sing a little diddy from Enchanted. Remember the hubbub about the movie after it was released when people thought the guy said “Get the F*CK out of there!” but he actually said “Get that BUS out of there!” (I still think he said F*CK.)

9:02pm – I’m guessing in lieu of actual writing, there is going to be a lot of “looking back” clips like the one we just got from Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Well, at least the strike is over.

9:06pm – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson takes the stage for the Visual Effects Oscar. I wonder if he’s going to give us the “People’s Eyebrow”? And the Oscar goes to The Golden Compass. Wow, that came out of left field. I thought Transformers had that one locked up. Oh well, the movie tanked at the box office. I guess this award should come as some consolation.

9:10pm – Cate Blanchett (looking fantastic in HD) introduces Best Art Direction. The Oscar goes to Sweeney Todd. A shot of Johnny Depp in the audience. I like the guy, but he needs a new look. Doesn’t he wear pretty much the same tie every year?

9:13pm – The Best Supporting actor is coming up next. Introduced, of course, by another compilation video… (I can’t believe Cuba Gooding Jr. has fallen so far off the face of the Earth!)

9:15pm – Jennifer Hudson. Damn, I forgot she won last year. How the hell does an American Idol contestant win a bloody Oscar. Anyone can win this award. It’s just too close to call.

9:17pm – And the Oscar goes to… Javier Bardem. (I had him in my Oscar pool!!) I wish I spoke Spanish. I ran into this guy walking down the street in Toronto after the premiere of No Country for Old Men. I was shocked that nobody knew who the hell he was. There were people all over Woody Harrelson trying to get pictures and Bardem walks by unnoticed. I wonder if he’ll get noticed now walking down the street carrying an Oscar.

9:22pm – Jon Stewart calls Bardem’s acceptance speech a “moment”. I don’t know if I’d go that far. Now, poking fun at all the montages, we get a look back at scenes from movies seen through binoculars. And bad dreams. Funny stuff.

9:24pm – Keri Russell takes the stage to introduce the song from August Rush which she co-starred in. She looks pretty good, but I’m distracted by her armpit rolls. Eww.

9:26pm – Little girl’s got talent. I wonder if we’ll see her on American Idol one day. Then maybe whe’ll win an Oscar.

9:28pm – Owen Wilson takes the stage. It’s nice to see the guy. Best Live Action Short Film goes to The Mozart of Pickpockets. (I also had this one in my Oscar pool, but I’ll confess that I was only guessing.)

9:30pm – The requisite “animated character” takes the stage. This year we get Jerry Seinfeld as the bee from Bee Movie. He introduces the Best Animated Short Film Oscar which goes to Peter and the Wolf. (I also “guesses” this one in my Oscar pool. I’m on a roll!!)

9:33pm – The introduction video for Best Supporting Actress. And Alan Arkin takes the stage to present the nominees. (Cate Blanchett doesn’t look as good in black and white — and as Bob Dylan.) This is another award that seems like it could go to anyone.

9:38pm – The Oscar goes to Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton. (I had Ruby Dee in my pool.) Wow, are her eyes ever green. Can that be natural? There have been a couple of references to George Clooney and his role in Batman. I guess, no matter how many acclaimed movies he makes for the rest of his life, he’s never gonna live that one down.

9:44pm – The “fantastic” (and pregnant) Jessica Alba takes the stage to introduce her role in presenting the Academy Scientific and Technical Awards.

9:45pm – Of course, we get the requisite Jack Nicholson joke. I swear, the only reason he goes to this show is so people will have something to joke about.

9:46pm – Even Josh Brolin makes a Nicholson joke. C’mon. I thought you were better than that. Brolin and James McAvoy announce the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay. The Oscar goes to Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men. (That’s the 2nd award for the movie. Are we seeing a trend??) Damn, I was hoping Sarah Polley would win. (I’ve gotta support my fellow Canadians.)

9:49pm – Another introduction to the Oscar balloting process. I mean, how many billion people watch the show every year? Do we really need to go over the process every single year. How about once every 5 years. Who can I talk to about this.

9:52pm – Hannah Montana takes the stage to introduce another song from Enchanted sung by Kristin Chenoweth (also sporting a little armpit roll). Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about this category. It just bugs me that three songs from the same movie got nominated. How is that fair?! Eddie Vedder was robbed!!

10:00pm – Do you think Angelina Jolie is pregnant? I tend not to trust the tabloids. (Searching Google, I’m seeing that Angelina Jolie revealed her “baby bump” yesterday at the Spirit Awards. Congratulations!) Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen take the stage and make a joke or two at the expense of Halle Berry and Judi Dench. (I think Seth should’ve been Halle Berry.) They introduce the Oscar for Sound Editing — which goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. (I got excited for a second thinking I had this movie in my pool. I didn’t.) Also, does it look like Jonah Hill has put on a few. That can’t be healthy.

10:05pm – What’s the difference between “sound editing” and “sound mixing”. Yes, I’m admitting that I don’t know what I’m talking about. Hill and Rogen continue their Halley Berry/Judi Dench bit. The Bourne Ultimatum takes the Sound Mixing Oscar. (Damn, I thought Transformers would clean up the technical awards.)

10:07pm – They’re giving out Best Actress already!?!? Time is just flying by.

10:09pm – Forest Whitaker takes the mic to introduces the nominees for Best Actress. You know the guy is a good actor when he even makes the nominees announcement compelling.

10:12pm – The Oscar goes to… Ellen Page. (Just kidding.) It actually goes to Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose. Wow, that came outta nowhere!! Is this another case where somebody misread the winner? I demand a recount!! Actually, I was just joking to my wife that she’d win the award because they always give it to someone who looks like they aged 50 years for a role. The Academy is so predictable.

10:18pm – Is that the first Wii joke in Oscar history?

10:18pm – Colin Farrell introduces the song from Once. (Just because he’s Irish, does that mean he has to introduce the song from the Irish movie? Isn’t that some kinda racism? I guess narrow-minded is more like it.) I gotta say that I absolutely loved this movie. And this song. If this song doesn’t win the Oscar, I’ll be pissed. Has anyone else noticed that Hansard is playing the guitar he used in the movie. Pretty cool. Bloody shame that this song was almost disqualified from competing because they played it live before the release of the film.

10:22pm – Jack Nicholson takes the mic. Shouldn’t he be watching a Lakers game? Just kidding of course. I love Nicholson. I just hate how he’s become an Oscar punchline.

10:24pm – The award for longest video montage goes to the “80 Years of Best Picture” clips… I’m surprised how many of those movies (pre-1980) I haven’t seen.

10:28pm – Renee Zellweger introduces the nominees for Best Film Editing. And the Oscar goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. (I had it in my pool!!) I love when Renee Zellweger takes the stage. It give me the opportunity for me to ask my wife to do her famous “Renee Zellweger” impression. Makes me laugh every time.

10:30pm – Jon Stewart introduces Nicole Kidman. Which makes me wonder why they showed a photo of Kidman during Stewart’s pregnancy joke earlier. If she was in the audience like Alba and Blanchett, why wouldn’t they just show her. Curious. My wife suspects she was in the ladies room.

10:33pm – Anyways, Kidman introduces the evening’s honorary Oscar. I haven’t been keeping track, but is this the first standing ovation of the evening? The Oscar goes to 98-year-old Robert Boyle who is known for his career acheivement in Production Design. Out of respect, I’ll refrain from making jokes about how old this guy is. Instead I’ll say the guy looks damn good for 98.

10:42pm – Continuing their narrow-minded ways, Penelope Cruz introduces the nominees for Best Foreign Language Film. Why does somebody who speaks a foreign language “have” to introduce this award? I’m I the only one who is offended here. The Oscar goes to The Counterfeiters from Austria.

10:44pm – Another song from Enchanted. This is the only movie that is guaranteed a 60% chance of winning an Oscar. I still think that’s pretty unfair. (On the bright side, the guy singing this song could never make American Idol.)

10:48pm – John Travolta takes the stage to introduce the nominees for Best Original Song. (Predictably, Travolta does a little dance number.) ONCE WINS!! ONCE WINS!! Woo hoo! (How come they’re not getting a standing ovation?!) Poor Marketa Irglova didn’t get the opportunity to talk. Stupid orchestra.

10:56pm – Marketa Irglova comes back out to give her acceptance speech! There is justice in the world. If you haven’t seen Once yet, see it. You won’t be disappointed.

10:58pm – “The talented and beautiful Cameron Diaz.” I don’t know what Jon Stewart is looking at, but in HD, Cameron Diaz isn’t beautiful. And given the recent movies she’s made, I’m beginning to question the “talented” part too. She introduces the nominees for Cinematography. The Oscar goes to There Will Be Blood which is the first award for the movie. I’m guessing it’s not the last.

11:01pm – Hilary Swank introduces the tribute montage to those who are no longer with us. Let’s pause for a moment to remember… I’m guessing Heath Ledger gets the biggest applause. It’s still hard to imagine the guy is gone.

11:08pm – Amy Adams introduces the nominees for Best Original Score. The Oscar goes to Atonement. (I had it in my pool, but only because the movie had to win something. This seemed like the only one it had a shot at.)

11:11pm – Tom Hanks is part of the presentation for Best Documentary Short — which is introduced via satellite from Iraq. The Oscar goes to Freeheld. For those keeping track at home, I got that one wrong in my pool. Although in my defense, how was I supposed to know… (Is it defense or defence?)

11:15pm – Hanks remains on stage to present the Oscar for Best Documentary which is presented to Taxi to the Dark Side.

11:23pm – Harrison Ford takes center stage to present the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. I’m guessing Juno — again because it has to win something. This seems like the obvious choice. Plus, the screenplay was pretty damned good.

11:25pm – Diablo Cody wins!! (Love the tattoo…) I’m so happy she won. She just seems like the kinda person you’d never expect to win. Now she’ll probably go backstage and vomit.

11:28pm – We’re beginning the introduction for Best Actor.

11:30pm – Helen Mirren is wearing a nice dress as she introduces the nominees for Best Actor. I forgot Johnny Depp was even nominated. Perhaps because he has a 0% chance of winning. Sorry, I love the guy, but if he wins this award, I’ll eat my shoe. (Is that Viggo Mortensen’s girlfriend.)

11:34pm – And the Oscar goes to Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood. That was pretty damned obvious. A very eloquent acceptance speech. He’s very poetic. Let’s hope he doesn’t wait a few years before making another movie.

11:41pm – Martin Scorsese is about to pass the torch to the next Oscar winner for Best Director. The Oscars(s) go to Joel and Ethan Coen who pick up their 2nd trophy of the evening for No Country for Old Men. Damn, I was hoping PTA would win — even though I chose the Coens in my pool.

11:44pm – Denzel Washington takes the stage for the final Oscar of the evening for Best Picture. (He’s pretty damned bald. I’ll have to check IMDb to see what he’s filming right now.)

11:45pm – The Oscar goes to No Country for Old Men. Three trophies for the Coen brothers. Producer Scott Rudin calls it a “complete surprise”. No offence, but that’s bullshit. If he didn’t expect at least a 50/50 shot at this Oscar, he must be living on another damn planet. Jackass.

11:48pm – That’s it for the evening. For those keeping track at home, I scored a lousy 13/24 in my Oscar pool. We’ll be back tomorrow morning with a look at some photos from the evening. Until then…